


Three Nights in Purgatory

by Will_Write_4_Coffee



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Fictional Town, Mutual Pining, Not beta'd we die like men, Rollisi, Sharing a Bed, Sonny's such a tenderhearted man, Work trip, a touch of angst, a touch of hurt/comfort, mentions of the Carisi family, mentions of the Rollins family, oops there's only one bed, road trip sorta?, super self indulgent join me won't you, the banter is real, the lingering stares y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29409606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Will_Write_4_Coffee/pseuds/Will_Write_4_Coffee
Summary: When Rollins and Carisi have to travel to Purgatory, Pennsylvania to extradite a perpetrator, they were prepared for a legal battle, a long car ride, and bad gas station coffee.They weren't prepared for there to only be one bed.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins
Comments: 58
Kudos: 111





	1. Night One

**Author's Note:**

> No explicit violence or legalese jargon in this fic. Just pure, unfiltered mutual pining and yearning in a room with only one bed.  
> First Rollisi fic, please be kind <3  
> And as always, thank you for reading!

Hoisting her duffle bag higher on her shoulder, Amanda scanned the brass numbers tacked to each door as they walked.

“Thirty-four, thirty-five…” Carisi read aloud. “Ah, here we are. Thirty-six.”

In the two seconds it took for him to insert the flimsy keycard and twist the door handle, Amanda sucked in a deep breath and steeled herself for what was going to possibly be the longest night of her life.

It wasn’t enough that the rapist they’d been pursuing had fled the state to bum-fuck Pennsylvania of all places, but once he’d gotten there, he’d carjacked a soccer mom for her nondescript minivan.

Pennsylvania police caught him a few days later at a Gas’n’Go, but the legalities of transfer were now muddled. Felony committed in a different state meant the suspect had to be arraigned, and then his release into New York state’s custody had to be negotiated. Possibly even denied for the time being.

Which is how one NYPD detective and one ADA had found themselves road tripping seven hours to Purgatory, PA, home of shitty strip malls and stale coffee.

And a giant Holiday Inn.

“I’ll take the bed by the window,” Carisi said over his shoulder, stepping into the room without even looking. “I know how much you hate being cold, so…”

Flipping on the light to the room, Amanda froze.

Oh hell no.

“Uhh…” Carisi dropped his suitcase with a thud. “This—this has gotta be a mistake. Liv wouldn’t—”

“Of course not,” Rollins cut in sharply. “They must’ve mixed things up during check in.”

She glared at the king-sized bed in the middle of the room like it was a perp.

Snatching the keycard from Carisi’s hand, she said, “I’ll go sort this out. Don’t get too comfortable.”

Her chunky boots _thunk, thunk, thunked_ down the hall. The girl at the front desk could probably hear her from three floors up.

Taking the elevator down, Amanda steadied her breathing.

It was fine. Everything was fine. They’d get a new room, laugh about it, and go to bed.

_Separately._

“Hi, excuse me,” she started, laying on her southern drawl for added affect. “I think there was a mistake made with our room. I believe the reservation was for a double, and we got a king…”

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry about that,” the woman said, taking the card from her. After a few clicks of her computer keys, her dark brows knit together. “Uh, well, yes… Technically you did make a reservation for a double occupancy room…”

“But?” Amanda leaned further on the desk.

“But it got marked on the server as a single king bed.”

She waited for the other, bigger shoe to drop.

“And we’re completely booked for the week. We don’t have any more vacancies.”

Heat flooded Rollins’ cheeks. “Seriously?”

The concierge tucked a brunette curl behind her ear, suddenly nervous. “We’re the largest hotel in the area, and we’ve got two conventions and a swim meet all happening this week.”

Amanda exhaled slowly. “Alright, well… Um, is there maybe a roll-away cot y’all could send up?”

Distressed panic started etching into the poor girl’s face. She was bracing to get shouted at.

“They’re all in use at the moment. One might be available tomorrow, but I can’t guarantee anything.”

Shifting her weight on her heels, Amanda willed her blood pressure to lower.

“I see. Okay…” She ducked her head, staring at the floor for a moment. “And you’re sure there aren’t any more rooms? Not even for tomorrow?”

She knew the answer just by the look in her eyes.

“Nevermind,” Amanda said with a wave of her hand. “Thank you anyway.”

Taking the keycard back, she trudged her way towards the elevators, pressing the button as if it had insulted her mother.

This trip just went from uncomfortable to downright awful.

********

Entering the room, she clocked him jumping up from where he’d perched himself on the hotel desk. Choirboy Carisi probably afraid of wrinkling the bedcovers for even a second.

“Bad news,” she said before he could ask. “Hotel’s at capacity, so we can’t switch rooms.”

“Did you ask for—”

“And they’re out of cots too,” she said, answering his unfinished question.

Carisi sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “Uh… Well, okay. I’ll just sleep on the floor then.”

She coughed out a laugh. “Oh, c’mon Sonny, that’s ridiculous. Besides, what about your bum shoulder?”

“It’s not a bum shoulder,” he protested. “It just acts up sometimes. Look, I don’t mind—"

“I know you don’t, but I do.”

“Fine, I’ll take the couch.”

Amanda turned to eye the ugly hotel loveseat. Maybe it would have been fine for sitting, but anyone over five-one would have issues sleeping on it.

“Really daddy long legs?” She teased, gesturing to his lanky frame. “You think you’re gonna get a full eight on that thing?”

Carisi rolled his eyes. “Haven’t gotten a full eight since middle school.”

“I should take the couch,” she said. “At least I might fit on it.”

“Nuh-uh, no way,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t let you do that.”

“Can’t let me?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Why can’t you _let_ me?” She pressed, amused by how pink his ears turned when he was flustered.

“’Cause… It’s… It’s just not…” Carisi puffed out his cheeks, planting his hands on his hips. “It’s not polite, okay? The guy’s supposed to take the couch. Not the girl.”

Amanda arched an eyebrow. “Girl?”

“Woman. Whatever,” Carisi amended with a wave. “You take the bed. I’ll be fine.”

Rollins went quiet for a moment, watching him wheel his suitcase over to the end of the loveseat.

“Sonny, this is stupid,” she relented. “This bed is ginormous. I could fit Jesse, Billie, Franny, and myself in this and you’d still never know we were there.”

His gone-in-a-flash smile wasn’t missed.

“You take one side, I’ll take the other. It’ll be fine,” she said.

Carisi watched her a beat, eyes softening. “You sure?”

“Yes,” she drawled, stooping to unzip her bag and grab her toiletries kit. “But if you snore, I’m gonna wrinkle all your shirts and ties.”

Chuckling, he nodded. “Copy that.”

Flipping on the bathroom light, she leaned back again to catch his attention.

“And you’re right, I’m not shivering my way through the night, so you take the side by the window.”

“Picky,” he said with a ‘yes ma’am’ tone, and she closed the door.

********

Brushing her teeth, she adjusted her pajama shorts for the fifth time, trying to tug them lower without showing any skin around her middle.

It was a lost cause.

Not like Carisi hadn’t seen her in sleepwear before – She’d lost count of how many times she’d changed from work clothes or jeans into an oversized sweatshirt and fuzzy PJ bottoms with him still at her apartment.

But this time it felt… different.

And she refused to acknowledge why.

Spitting in the sink, she rinsed and gave herself another once over before relenting and exiting the bathroom.

He wasn’t in bed. Wasn’t even dressed for it.

Carisi had pulled the flimsy hotel coffee table over to the loveseat, spreading paperwork and casefiles out until you couldn’t even see the fake woodgrain. Seated at the edge, his knees were practically to his chin as he hunched over, reading and rereading the sheet in front of him.

“You’re doing work at this hour?” She asked, glancing at the clock on the nightstand.

Tapping a pen against this hand, he nodded without looking up.

“My first extradition hearing,” he said. “Just wanna make sure I’ve got all my I’s dotted and T’s crossed.”

Hovering in the limited space between the foot of the bed and the couch, she said, “I’m sure it’ll go fine, Sonny. You’ve handled harder stuff than this.”

“Yeah, I…” He glanced up at her through his lashes and faltered.

In milliseconds his gaze skipped up her bare legs, lingering on the scar on her left knee and a small bruise from knocking into Billie’s highchair, before lifting to her face.

She had to give him credit – at least he tried to play it cool.

“I guess so,” Carisi finished, voice huskier than it’d been.

A knock at the door stole the thoughts from her head.

“You order somethin’?” He asked, already off the couch and striding across the room.

“No…”

Silent and tense, they shared a look before Carisi leaned down to check the peephole.

When he reached for the handle, Amanda relaxed.

“Sorry about the interruption,” a man’s voice said. “But our concierge wanted to send up some complimentary room service to apologize for the trouble earlier.”

“Oh, well isn’t that nice,” Carisi said, grinning over his shoulder at Amanda.

As the bellhop wheeled in two covered trays and an ice bucket with champagne, she moved out of the way, gesturing that he could leave it by the TV.

“Tell her thanks for me,” Amanda said as the boy—and he really must’ve been a boy, barely seventeen she guessed— told them goodnight and made a quick exit.

“Champagne just for a messed up room reservation?” Carisi mused, picking up the bottle and inspecting the label.

It wasn’t top shelf but it wasn’t vinegar either.

“I guess my southern charm worked.”

The snort he let out had Amanda swatting his arm.

“I’m joking,” he told her, ducking away from the hit with a laugh.

Lifting one of the tray lids, she gaped at the massive pile of truffle fries and jalapeño poppers.

Curious, Carisi lifted the other to reveal mozzarella sticks and a molten brownie cake topped with hot fudge.

“Okay, I take it back. I think your southern charm worked.”

“Told ya,” she said, popping a fry in her mouth. “At least we won’t starve tonight.”

Setting the lid back down, Carisi went over to his duffle and pulled out a large Tupperware container filled with what looked like lasagna.

When Amanda stared at him, and the food in his hand, he shrugged.

“My Ma sent it,” he said, color returning to his ears. “She wasn’t sure if there’d be anywhere to eat up here.”

“Right, ‘cause all of Pennsylvania notoriously doesn’t have restaurants.”

“Okay, guess you won’t get any tomorrow then,” he teased, shoving the Tupperware into the minifridge.

“Hey now, I didn’t say—”

Carisi’s smirk stalled her words.

“You jerk,” she muttered, grabbing a fork and a plate. “You better eat some of this or your Mama is gonna have my head for letting her precious boy waste away.”

“Eh, I’ll eat in a bit. I wanna finish this up,” he said, going back to the papers on the coffee table.

Piling the plate with food, she stepped closer, holding it out to him. She didn’t move until he looked up.

“You’re getting in your head too much, Dominick,” she murmured. “You’re a great ADA. You know the law backwards and forwards. You could probably argue this case in your sleep. Just… take a breath. Relax.” She pushed the plate closer to his face, putting it nearly under his nose. “And eat.”

Relenting with a smile, the tension left his shoulders as Carisi took the food from her.

“Okay, but I’m not drinking that until everything is wrapped up and in the bag,” he said, pointing to the champagne with his fork. “Don’t wanna jinx it.”

“Has the DA’s office made you superstitious?”

“I’m Italian, I was always superstitious.”

Laughing, Amanda grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, channel surfing until she found some mindless reality show they could both pick apart with glee.

As she settled in on the other end of the loveseat with her food in hand, she forced herself to focus on the screen, the delicious fries, and the uncomfortable upholstery scraping her behind the knees, and not at all on the lock of hair falling across Carisi’s forehead or his warmth radiating in the small gap between them.

*********

Rollins remembered how she fell asleep.

Burrowed into the hotel sheets, the comforter pulled up to her neck, practically hugging the edge of the mattress, determined to put as much space between her and Sonny as possible.

She remembered chatting for a bit—agreeing on what time to set their alarms, asking if he needed an extra pillow, grumbling about him being on his phone with the brightness turned all the way up.

Before sleep took her, she recalled him saying something softly to her as he locked his phone screen.

_“’Night Amanda… Sleep well.”_

She remembered all of that.

What she had zero recollection of was how she ended up _here._

Blinking, she took in the details in front of her, piecing together the shadowed puzzle.

The faded scent of nice cologne. Grey wrinkled cotton. An arm… shoulder blade, maybe?

Moving a fraction of an inch back, realization lifted the fog of sleep.

Amanda had found herself pressed against Sonny’s back, forehead to the nape of his neck, tucked in perfectly in the negative spaces of his torso.

To call her the big spoon would have been inaccurate—she hadn’t wrapped herself around him in a sickly cute way, limbs draped over other limbs, waist, hips.

But at some point during the night, her unconscious body had rolled itself until she’d found his warmth.

Drawing in a slow breath, she could taste the scent of his hair gel at the back of her throat. She watched him in the dark, waiting for the moment he revealed himself to be awake.

Carisi never moved.

His shallow breathing never wavered.

Using every ounce of muscle control she had, Amanda scooted away from him without shaking the bed, returning to her side.

Rolling onto her side, she clutched the corner of the too-soft hotel pillow and squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself back to sleep.

She wasn’t successful.

Carisi was right. She hated being cold when she slept.


	2. Night Two

Shoulders slumped, Carisi made his way down the poorly lit corridor with the tacky paisley carpet.

“Yeah, it was a long day,” Rollins said into her phone as they walked. “The Pennsylvania DA is putting up a fight.”

The pause as she listened to Fin’s response burned in Carisi’s eardrums.

He’d had everything lined up, everything ready for a smooth and easy hearing.

Explain the circumstances to the presiding judge. Sign on the dotted line. Take the perp into custody. Hit the road by 3pm, be back in New York before midnight.

None of that happened.

“No, Fin, it wasn’t that,” Amanda said, glancing over at Carisi.

He started to roll his eyes, able to guess Fin’s biting remarks about his abilities as an ADA.

“No, it’s this DA. He’s a real bulldog,” Amanda continued as they slowed their pace at the hotel room door. “He argued that a felony committed in his state isn’t any less concerning than a felony committed in New York and that since they already had custody of him, their case should go to trial first.”

“A load of bullshit,” Carisi muttered under his breath, shoving the keycard into the slot roughly.

“We have another hearing tomorrow. Carisi’s going to talk to the DA again, see if he can get him to change his mind.”

Flicking on the light, he scanned the room on instinct.

Some cop habits never died.

“Sure, thanks,” Amanda said, shutting the door behind her. “Can you tell Liv everything for us? I’m beat and I gotta convince the councilor here not to stick his head in the microwave.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Carisi said, already tugging off his suit jacket and draping it over the couch armrest.

Hanging up, Amanda tossed her phone on the hotel duvet. “Now I really know you’re upset.”

Turning, he arched an eyebrow in question.

“You didn’t even try to hang your jacket up in the closet.”

Gesturing vaguely, he sighed. “Well, the county DA already thinks I’m a joke. So who cares if I look like one too.”

Bending his knees, he let gravity do the work as he flopped onto the loveseat with a huff.

“Oh, c’mon Sonny,” Amanda chided gently. “That’s not what this is. It’s all just… politics. A lot of posturing and puffing out their chests. That’s all.”

“Yeah, well it’s working. You saw how that judge responded, he agrees with the DA.” Leaning forward, he planted his elbows on his knees. “He actually thinks a—a grand larceny charge is more important than multiple rape cases. That minivan wasn’t even damaged, but these women’s lives are ruined ‘cause of this guy and—”

He inhaled deeply, holding it for several seconds, trying to keep his composure.

“It shouldn’t even be a question,” he said.

Removing her service weapon and badge from her belt, setting them both on the closest nightstand, Rollins nodded. “I agree with you. And you did good today in court.”

Carisi snorted, shaking his head without looking up at her.

“Hey, I mean it,” she continued, coming over to the couch. “You had everything in order, and you argued a strong case… This guy’s just trying to prove a point.”

Pushing his knee with hers, silently ordering him to move over, she took a seat next to him.

“And what point is that?” He asked after she settled. “That he doesn’t like New Yorkers?”

“That it’s his turf, his rules. He probably doesn’t want to set a precedent that folks from other states can come in and walk all over his people.”

The puzzle pieces of the case, his argument for extradition, of dealing with the Purgatory DA all clattered together in his mind, shifting and flipping around at a rhythm he couldn’t pin down yet. He’d figure it out though. It just might take all night.

He’d gone quiet— realized it as he glanced up at Amanda’s imploring gaze.

She always teased him for disappearing into his head. He did it often during a case, sitting and staring into space as he mentally ran through evidence and events.

Now as an ADA he was practically scrambling his own grey matter with his overthinking.

“Hey,” Rollins murmured, nudging him gently. “You’ll figure out how to turn the tide back in your favor.”

Scratching the back of his neck, he started to shrug. “And if I don’t?”

She thought for a moment.

“You win some, you lose some. But that doesn’t mean you’re bad at your job.” Placing her hand on his forearm, she rubbed her thumb in a comforting loop. “You’re one of the good ones, Dominick. That counts for more than you know.”

That moment convinced him some cliches were true.

Staring into her ocean blue eyes, time stretched to impossible lengths.

He could’ve done it. Would’ve been easy—too easy, maybe. Not like he hadn’t thought about it every single day since he’d become her partner.

She might’ve even enjoyed it if he really gave it his all. At the very least, he didn’t think she’d push him away.

But if he was going to kiss her, he wanted to be himself, not this sad sack pouting on a hotel couch in the middle of Purgatory, Pennsylvania.

A fitting name for the emotional tenor he felt if you asked him.

God, she was beautiful though. He’d never get enough of just… _looking_ at her.

“What?” She asked, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. “Do—do I have something on my face?”

Jolted out of his daydream, Carisi shook his head. “Nah, nothing. You’re…”

He trailed off with a crooked smile. He couldn’t finish his thought, but he couldn’t lie to her either.

“You hungry?” He asked instead. “We’ve still got that lasagna to finish.”

“Oh my God, yes,” she exclaimed, practically jumping off the sofa.

Chuckling, he stood up and went to the mini fridge.

**********

He was _not_ staring.

Ogling was never something he did—even as a lovesick teen, he tended to glance away when confronted with a beautiful girl in his direct eyeline. It felt disrespectful to let his gaze linger more than two or three seconds, and God knew he didn’t need yet another thing to blurt out in the confession booth.

But his peripheral vision was sharp and no matter how many times he reread the same page of the casefile, his attention couldn’t be dragged too far away from…

Well…

“Oh yeah, Billie did that, huh?” Amanda said into the phone, keeping it skillfully tucked between her ear and shoulder as she rubbed dollar store lotion into her knees and calves. “I bet that was funny. And did you eat your veggies like I asked you to?”

The urge to ask for the phone caught Carisi off guard, stilling the tapping of his index finger on the back of the folder cardstock.

He missed the girls – his goddaughters by title, but in his heart there was a missing syllable from that word.

He hadn’t seen them in over a week and it pained him like he’d lost a limb.

“Mhm-hmm…” Amanda continued, still running her hands up and down her legs. “I’m sure you did see an elephant in the park…” She said with a grin, glancing over at Carisi.

He laughed to himself, shifting forward on the couch. Jesse always did have a huge imagination.

“Hey, you wanna talk to Uncle Sonny?” Amanda asked, and his heart thudded harder in his chest. “Okay, yeah. Here you go.”

Holding the phone out, she jerked her head for him to grab it.

Carisi nearly snatched the phone from her grip like a madman.

“Hiya Jesse,” he said, already beaming.

It was all a rapid-fire chatter of five-year-old nonsense and exciting factoids about dinosaurs and giraffes and the new drawings she made in preschool.

He loved every single second of it.

Jesse’s bouncing little kid accent cleared his head of all the stress and anguish of the case, leaving him buoyant and laughing with ease.

Minutes passed before he realized Rollins was staring at him from across the room.

His train of thought jump the track.

He might not have been much for staring _at_ someone, but being on the other end of it suddenly wasn’t so bad.

Especially when she was looking at him like… _that._

“Okay, you wanna talk to your mom again?” He asked, probably interrupting Jesse’s fifteenth story. “Okay, Jess—love you, kiddo.”

Carisi’s face burned as he handed the phone back to Rollins.

She knew he loved her girls. Hell, the girls knew it too, and they were barely out of diapers.

But he wasn’t sure he’d ever said the words. Out loud. In front of their mother.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” he muttered, turning away before she could comment or even really register what happened.

Rushing to unbutton his vest and loosen his tie, he didn’t look back, afraid of making eye contact while in the middle of a mini panic attack.

Shutting the bathroom door, he turned on the showerhead and leaned back against the vanity counter while the water warmed.

He didn’t regret it. And he wasn’t embarrassed. He’d take a bullet for those girls without a second thought. Everyone knew it.

But Jesse wasn’t the only Rollins girl he wanted to say the words too, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever get the chance.

*********

The dull ache in his shoulder turned sharp, jarring him awake in the pitch dark.

Blinking, Carisi shifted his torso, trying to relieve the pressure. He shoved his arm under the pillow at a different angle, but that only seemed to make it worse.

With a sigh, he started to roll onto his back and froze.

He didn’t have the room to.

Something… someone was pressed against him.

His pulse skyrocketed— uncertainty and concern muddled together with something far more dangerous.

Hope.

Taking it one centimeter at a time, he maneuvered himself under the covers until he had just enough space to twist, looking over his shoulder at the figure cast in shadow.

Messy blonde waves covered her face, chin tucked into her chest with her head almost off the pillow entirely.

His pillow.

Carisi waited. And waited. And waited some more.

He expected her to stir, to mumble something in her sleep like she sometimes did when she passed out on the sofa in her apartment. Maybe to even jerk awake, aghast at being that close to him in the middle of the night.

Amanda continued to slumber.

With as much finesse as he could manage, Carisi shifted onto his back, careful not to bump her.

She had so much trouble sleeping these days… He was just happy she was getting some rest.

And even happier she could rest with him.

He didn’t want to think about the hidden meanings behind that notion.

Closing his eyes, he focused on his own breathing, subconsciously syncing it to hers.

_In… Out… In… Out… In…_

She smelled light and sweet—like clean laundry and lavender.

_Out… In… Out… In… Out…_

**_“I would be fine if you were right here beside me!”_ **

Her words crashed around inside his skull, hurting worse than any bullet or shrapnel ever could.

**_“You said you were my partner, but you walked out on me.”_ **

Turning his head, he glanced down at Amanda, tracing the line of her brows, her nose, her chin with his gaze.

His arms ached with their emptiness.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, barely audible over the sound of the central heating fan above them.

Lifting his stare to the ceiling, he counted the tiles until morning.


	3. Night Three

Switching the take-out bag to her other hand, Rollins’ sigh turned into a giggle.

“I knew you’d pull it off,” she said, digging the room key card out from her back pocket.

Carisi smiled, the skin around his eyes crinkling in a way that was so much more attractive than it should’ve been.

“Yeah?” He asked, slipping his hands into his pockets. “‘Cause I sure as hell didn’t.”

“What’re you talking about, Sonny,” she said, pushing open the door. “You had this in the bag from day one, that DA was just being a jerk.”

Setting their to-go orders of burgers and extra fries, pickles on the side on the coffee table, she motioned to him and smiled.

“But the look on his face when you suggested pleading the guy out on the grand larceny charge to get in good with the governor—”

“He’s gonna be looking for an attorney general soon,” Carisi said, shrugging out of his coat. “And Pennsylvania’s current representatives are frugal. Wasting taxpayer’s money on a non-violent offense in court? Well… that would just look bad on his resume.”

“It was a brilliant move, Carisi.” Amanda ran her fingers through her hair, tousling it. “And it means we can get the hell out of Purgatory tomorrow morning,” she added with a laugh.

“Messed up name for a town if you ask me,” he said, unbuttoning his cuffs and rolling his sleeves to the elbows.

“You should hear some of the city names back in Georgia,” she said, stealing a fry out of one of the plastic containers.

Carisi laughed. “Oh yeah? Bad?”

“Hilariously bad.”

“You’ll have to show me sometime.”

Faltering, she stared at him for a beat too long.

The tips of his ears went pink.

“I just meant… like, ya know… on a map, or somethin’…” He ducked his head. “Not—”

“No, no, I… I think you’d get a kick out of Georgia,” she said, catching his gaze. “There’s a lot to see, and I know I’ve kinda tainted it for the squad but it’s not all bad. Some of it’s nice. Pretty even.”

She noticed Carisi’s posture shift ever so slightly— straightening his back and widening his stance so he was facing her fully. Proving he was engaged, interested.

He wasn’t running away.

She flashed a tight smile. “And the food’s incredible.”

“Gonna have me try fried green tomatoes and grits, huh?”

“Yes, but not together,” she said, brushing past him to get to the bathroom.

Before she shut the door, she poked her head back out.

“What time do we take custody of our perp tomorrow?”

Carisi checked his watch out of habit. “Nine AM.”

“You know what we should do…”

Amanda could have laughed at how wide his eyes got.

“Open that bottle we saved,” she finished, nodding to the mini fridge. “I’d say you earned it.”

He grinned. “Burgers and champagne, huh?”

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.”

Bobbing his head in a ‘yes’, Carisi gestured to her still standing in the doorway. “Yeah okay. You do your thing in there and I’ll find us a couple glasses.”

“I’ll only be a minute,” she said. “I just wanna rinse the smell of county lock up off me.”

As promised, her shower was short and sweet.

It wasn’t until she got out that she realized she’d forgotten to bring a change of clothes into the bathroom with her.

“Crap,” she muttered, wrapping a much too short hotel towel around her damp skin, securing it under her arms.

“Don’t laugh,” she started, practically dashing into the other room, B-lining for her duffle bag. “I forgot to grab some clothes.”

Carisi didn’t make a sound.

Digging out a pair of leggings, sweatshirt, underwear and a sports bra, she glanced over her shoulder at him.

Rollins didn’t know his cheeks could turn that shade of red.

“Uh, it’s…” His stare darted to the floor. “You’re…” He cleared his throat, picking up his phone as if he’d received a text.

He hadn’t.

“Your food’s gonna get cold,” he said without looking up.

Amanda bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing.

“I’ll be right out,” she said.

If she took her time walking back to the bathroom and closing the door, she’d never confess.

**************

Diner burgers and greasy fries were _absolutely_ made better by free champagne. Even if they did have to drink it out of flimsy plastic cups stamped with the Holiday Inn logo.

They ate sitting next to each other on the loveseat, just like the previous two nights. TV on, turned to some History channel show Rollins wouldn’t necessarily call a documentary.

“Mama asked about you,” she blurted out before shoving a ketchup drenched fry in her mouth.

“She did?” Carisi cocked his head to look at her. “I didn’t know you two were…”

“On speaking terms?” She smirked. “Well, ever since I had Billie we’ve been… trying. Mostly she calls just to talk to the girls and we chat for a couple minutes at the end.”

“And she asked about _me_?” He set his half-finished burger down in the plastic container.

“She likes you. You made quite an impression when you met her.”

Amanda could see him puzzling out the subtext, eyes squinting a little as he thought.

“She knows you’re important to the girls, what with being their godfather and all.”

“Right,” he said, smiling a little before looking away.

Something snagged in Rollins’ gut, giving her the sensation of having stuck her foot in her mouth.

“And…” She took a gulp of wine before continuing. “That you’re… important to me too.”

The wrinkles returned to the corners of his eyes as he smiled softly, but he didn’t glance over for a torturously long moment.

“My Ma asks about you all the time,” he said, wiping his hands with a paper napkin. “My sisters too. They’re always buggin’ me for more pictures of Billie and Jesse ‘cause they’re growin’ up so fast.”

Charmed by how his Staten Island accent grew thicker with the alcohol in his system, Amanda smiled.

“I’ll have to send you some to show them,” she said.

Before she lost her nerve, she tapped his knee.

“Or, you know… We could all get together this weekend.”

Carisi shifted on the sofa to look at her. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, of course.” Amanda nodded. “If you’re free, I mean. I don’t know if you’re—”

“I am. I’ll make time.”

“Okay, great.”

“Yeah,” he said, relief making the word breathier than usual.

Taking another sip of champagne, she tried to steady herself.

“You’re always welcome, Sonny,” she said. “I never want you to feel like… like you can’t see them. Us.”

He nodded, glancing down at the terrible floral pattern of the couch cushion.

“I know things have been… a little weird between us. Since I went to the DA’s office…”

“Oh, no, it’s not—”

“It’s ‘cause you feel like I left you.” He lifted his gaze to meet hers. “That you got abandoned.”

Rollins tried to shake her head. “I was just being dramatic,” she said with a wave of her hand. “It’d been a really hard day and I… I took it out on you.”

“But you were right,” he said. “I mean, I did leave.”

Facing her as much as he could, he nudged her leg with his.

“But… I left SVU,” he continued. “I didn’t… I didn’t leave _you_. Not like that, not because I was done with you. With…” He swallowed the rest of his words.

She could still sense them though, like walking into a room where someone had just been.

Blinking away the mist building in her eyes, she cracked a smile. “I shouldn’t’ve made you feel bad about changing careers. You were right, it was your shot.”

“Yeah, but… sometimes we get others,” he murmured. “All about timing, right?”

She was desperate to break their stare, his earnest gaze chiseling away at the walls she’d held in place for too long.

“Right,” she echoed.

A loud thud—like someone knocking their suitcase into the wall in the hallway—made them both jump.

The delicate bubble around them burst.

“More?” Carisi asked, already picking up the champagne bottle.

Nodding, both in agreement and to clear her head, Rollins held out her cup.

“Please.”

*************

They went to bed later than intended, caught up in making fun of the show they were watching and the pleasant buzz from the two and a half glasses of wine.

When they’d both finally climbed under the covers on their respective sides, they hadn’t stopped chatting.

Rollins asked about Carisi’s case load, his new coworkers. He made her laugh with the story of how he kept taking the wrong train his first week out of habit, never realizing until he was one stop away from the SVU precinct that he’d gone the opposite direction.

Carisi asked if she was getting along with Kat, if other people in their squad saw him as a turncoat too. He had to explain his reasons behind that one, and Amanda’s fingers twitched with anger.

No one loved helping people more than Sonny Carisi.

ADA or not, he still was a great cop in her mind.

A great partner.

“I’ll set her straight,” Rollins had said firmly, adjusting her head on the pillow, looking up at him.

“Nahh, it’s okay,” he’d told her, waving it off. “I think she just can’t imagine not bein’ a cop.”

“Still… she should be so lucky as to have you on her team.”

Carisi had arched an eyebrow, grinning lazily at her. “Oh yeah?”

“Shut up, Sonny.”

He’d laughed—a burst of brightness in a dark room.

“Admit it, you _really_ miss me.”

“I miss the cannolis you’d bring in.”

“And…”

“And…” She’d sighed dramatically for affect. “I guess… I miss you too.”

Her eyelids had started drooping heavily, but she’d still caught the shift in his expression. The gentle, teasing smirk melting into something softer. More real.

“Yeah,” he’d said with a stifled yawn. “Me too.”

Amanda had felt her consciousness giving way to sleep.

“A lot,” he’d added, muffled by the pillowcase.

She barely remembered hearing it.

Jerking awake from a dream she immediately forgot, Rollins saw the collar of his rumpled tee shirt first.

And then his neck, his jaw, his lips.

They’d moved closer in the night, both still facing each other as they had been while talking.

With only a few inches between them, she could feel the soft puffs of air leaving him as he breathed. He still smelled the same—nice cologne, hair gel, mint from his toothpaste.

He felt different though.

Not… bad. Not unlike himself.

But different all the same.

She slid her hand across the white cotton sheets, fingertips stopping millimeters from his chest.

Something had cracked open between them. Like a window being left open in summer.

An access point. An entry.

Terrible, all-consuming fear swallowed her in an instant. She couldn’t handle it if that opening closed again.

Digging her nails into the sheet, she clung for dear life to the idea that maybe… just maybe… He’d meant what he’d said. And that he’d eventually say all the things he’d left out.

*********

It was unbelievably odd, being awoken by something tickling his nose.

At first, he thought it was part of his dream, but…

Blinking rapidly and jerking his chin up, he squinted into the dark.

Messy blonde hair was right under his face—the top of Rollins’ head.

Sighing, he relaxed, letting his head settle onto the pillow again.

_Wait._

Frozen by the realization, he took stock of himself, and her.

Curled up like he’d found her the previous night, she was fast asleep— snoring softly into the edge of the comforter.

Not that he’d ever tell her about it.

But this time, her hand was pressed into the seam between his ribs and the mattress. Her fingers must’ve been nothing but pins and needles, but she clearly wasn’t cognizant of it.

Chest to chest, head to… well, nose, given he was so much taller than her.

The scent of lavender coated his throat, ensuring he’d be haunted by the fragrance for the rest of his life.

She was so at peace—tucked close and warm beneath the blankets.

He’d chop off his pinky before disturbing her.

“Sonny,” she mumbled, and for a second he thought she’d woken up.

She didn’t move.

Warmth spread through his torso, weaving between bones, and seeping into his blood stream.

She’d said his name in her sleep.

Risking everything, it felt like, he lifted a gentle hand to her face, brushing a few strands of hair off her cheek.

“’M here,” he whispered. “I’m right here.”

*********

The shrill _beep, beep, beep_ of Carisi’s alarm startled them both awake.

“Uggh, c’mon Sonny,” Amanda groaned, pulling the comforter over her head.

“Sorry, sorry,” he muttered, reaching back to hit snooze. “There. It’s off.”

Rewrapping his arm around her waist, he waited for her to settle against him before letting his head sink into the pillow.

Even breaths warmed the front of his chest, and soon he was drifting back to sleep.

“Carisi?”

“Mhm?”

_Oh God._

He was holding her, and not exactly in a platonic, friendship way.

Tensing so quickly he thought he heard his joints crack, he didn’t move. He was afraid to. What if he made it worse, made her feel—

“You’re on my hair,” Amanda muttered, poking at his shoulder.

Air left his lungs in a wheeze.

“Sorry,” he said, pushing up so she could free herself.

“That’s better,” she said, snuggling into the crook of his arm.

He was still asleep. He had to be. There was no way…

Blonde waves emerged from under the comforter. Tilting her head up, she squinted at him in the faded pink light filtering through the curtains.

He wanted to say something. Probably should have.

Smiling drowsily, she brushed her hair out of her face.

His throat went dry.

God, she was so beautiful.

Inching her way up to be eye to eye with him, she tucked a hand under the pillow to prop herself up more.

The corner of his mouth lifted into a timid smile.

Her foot was still trapped between his. Rollins didn’t make a move to extricate herself.

Carisi was certain she could hear his thundering heartbeat. His pulse point must’ve been jumping beneath his jawline.

Leaning in, she brushed the tip of her nose against his, testing the metaphorical waters.

He followed her lead, just like always.

Drawn into her by sheer magnetic pull, his forehead pressed against hers as he attempted to take a full breath.

“Dominick…”

“Not yet,” he murmured, hyperaware of how close his lips were to hers. “I wanna make sure this is really happening.”

A soft exhale of a laugh ghosted across his cheek.

“Always the romantic,” she teased.

He felt like an Edison bulb on the verge of exploding.

Gripping her waist, fingers catching in the soft sleep shirt she wore, he held onto her if only to ground himself in the moment.

“I’m right here,” she said, hand on his chest.

Boy, was she right about that.

Grinning at her use of his words, he nodded.

Agreement and encouragement. All together in a single action.

Her lips were just as soft as the rest of her.

Carisi’s hand shook as he reached to cup the side of her face, holding her to him for a heartbeat. And then another.

Rollins smiled against him, and he could practically feel the edges of words forming on her tongue.

This… _this_ was his shot.

Pressing deeper, he gave it his all. Didn’t stop until those words of hers were wiped away, leaving her momentarily stunned and oh, so, wanting.

The snooze alarm on his phone pierced the quiet.

They both groaned.

Rolling to turn it off completely, he cursed under his breath. They were going to be late.

Amanda’s hand on his shoulder brought him back to her in an instant.

“Hey,” she said, still smiling, lips rosy and cheeks flushed. “I…”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Staring into each other’s eyes, daze and delighted, they both laughed softly.

“Good morning, then?” She said, pushing her hair out of her face.

Carisi grinned. “Definitely.”

And thankfully, neither of them had to return to Purgatory ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and for the lovely comments so far! I hope I did these two justice! It was so fun to write Rollisi for the first time <3


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